Slow and Steady Wins the Race: Splatoon's Philosophy of Progress

I almost didn’t get to play the Splatoon 3 demo. Some weirdness going on with my Switch was stopping the demo from downloading. This put me in a bit of a mood, for two reasons.

The first reason was that I had played the demos for Splatoon 1 and 2, and I’m sentimental enough to consider these demos like prequels for their respective games.  I fell in love with the series from its first ever “test fire” demo. The second’s game demo was actually the game’s first Splatfest, a festival in which two sides literally battle over the answers to the big questions in life. In the case of the Splatoon 2 demo, players fought over what condiment was superior — mayo or ketchup?

Splatoon 3’s demo was also going to feature a Splatfest, with the question being which choice is the best: rocks, paper, or scissors? Everybody was going to be there! Or so it felt like. One caving in to FOMO later, I found myself in Nintendo’s tech support chatroom, and they were able to make my Switch play nice with the demo.

The second reason for my grumpiness was the time investment I was making into something causing me a faint feeling of dread. Despite the tradition of my own making, I was both parts excited and nervous to play the demo and confirm that Splatoon 3 was going to just be… more Splatoon.

After playing the demo, I am slightly bummed to report that yes, it is more Splatoon. Or, to be clearer, it’s more of the same experiences that Splatoon has provided since its inception.

Here you may ask: what’s your damage? Why would a Splatoon fan, especially one who spent the last week re-populating her room with Splatoon amiibo and plushies, not be more excited by the latest entry? Aren’t these the same experiences that made this series so special to you?

You have a point. Everything I love about the series is coming back.  Paint-based cartoon violence, the adorable clothes and goofy weapons, the blood-pumping music of indeterminate language, and a story mode as epic as it is silly.

However, my love for this series has me wanting something … different this time around. I wanted another way to experience this world.

This nebulous desire has dogged me since Splatoon 2, though its form was smaller back then. When the second game debuted, I was so happy to be back. I had worried that the first game, stuck on an unpopular console, hadn’t made the impact it needed to become a series. Nintendo was showing that Splatoon was worth the investment, and I was proud of my little Inklings for making it this far.

However, as time passed, I couldn’t help but feel much of the game felt lacking.

Of course, there were a few things that pushed the series to flesh out its premise. Salmon Run was a horde mode that allowed for players to battle a common foe and to earn in-game resources, and even sneak in some lore of the going-ons in Inkopolis. It was easier to gain ability chunks for your clothes. You could now change your weapon and clothes in between matches instead of having to leave the lobby entirely to do so (though oddly this was patched in shortly after the game’s release). A food truck provided meals that either caused you to earn more money, experience, or ability chunks, so you could choose what to prioritize.

However, the story mode was as basic as the first game’s, but now also suffered from boring lore pieces. Many lore pieces, scattered throughout the levels as collectible parchment, were simply updates about what happened between games, instead of the history and world-building the first game’s lore pieces provided. Battle mechanics had small improvements, but nothing major. The new weapon class, the Brellas, were a fun idea that was not given the stats to compete with other weapons, and remains a niche pick at best.

The Octo Expansion DLC was a great remedy for the story mode, with world-redefining lore and challenged even veteran players with difficult stages and out-of-the-box goals to meet. But even then, a long-requested playable character class, the Octolings, were paywalled behind this DLC.

Honestly, the whole game felt like very good DLC. As in, the content provided was great, but did it need the number 2 in the title? I got more Splatoon, but I was staring to get a little bored by what it was offering. By the time of Splatoon 3’s August trailer announcing mostly expected things, I was doubting these updates were worthy of a new box, a new cartridge, a new number.

I could be asking Splatoon for too much. Under its colorful trappings, it’s a shooter. Competitive video games such as other shooters and fighting games don’t tend to massively change their identity for each new entry. Super Smash Bros. is still a game about Nintendo’s franchises punching and kicking each other, but it’s such a long running series that it would be silly to suggest the latest entry is barely different from its first.

And again, I like the core identity of Splatoon! It’s why I keep coming back. However, if I had my way, I would like to…

• Explore a large map while hunting for treasure or lore. A newly released map from the Splatoon devs confirms the large breadth of the Inkling world, and exploring it would be amazing. As an example: a group of four would traverse the uncharted territories, on the search for something they want or something requested by an NPC. The land is littered with dangers and obstacles you would need your weapons and teammates to traverse. The rewards, of course, will help you in turf war.

• Have errands to do in the city. You’re always confined to a main square where you find everything you need for battling, with the rest of the city just out of reach. Perhaps exploring the city at different points in the day would allow you to find valuable assets to grant you a boost in battle. I’m not sure what these errands would entail, or how to balance a competitive game around this. However, I still want a city to explore. Yes, I was one of those people who wanted an apartment for my character. I’ll be accessorizing the hell out of that dinky locker.

• Make custom single-player stages, like the ones found in the story mode and Octo Expansion, in a map creator. Or at least play on others’ custom stages. Players could create stages for others to test themselves on, and a leaderboard and stat tracking would bring a competitive element to encourage participation.

I don’t know how or if these ideas can work with Splatoon’s identity as it is now. Would these ideas risk the series being a jack of all trades, master of none? I might be asking for things that this series cannot provide.

Having said all this, I will be picking up Splatoon 3 tomorrow morning. Others will download the game and launch it at midnight, but I have a tradition of buying a physical copy of the Splatoon games. I like seeing them next to each other on my shelf.

Despite being the Grinch of Splatoon 3 eve, I actually do want to get back into turf wars after spending a year away from Splatoon 2. I want to clothes shop again, I want to shake the rust off my aim, I want to bop to the music. Splatoon 3 is teasing something called “Big Run”, where Inkopolis is invaded by the hordes typically fought in Salmon Run. New stages hold promise of more world-building, and maybe the story mode will be the epic ending that Nintendo is billing it as. Also, DLC will eventually come featuring Off the Hook, and is promised to be a “major update”.

I have things to look forward to, whatever shape and size it takes.

Splatoon’s lore states that Inklings are slow walkers, terrible at getting up early, and tend to be overly laid-back. However, I’ve decided to follow them, at their pace, to wherever they want to go.